"I know I'm safe now, but it doesn't feel like it."
This is something I hear often from people who have experienced trauma. Perhaps it's the smell of antiseptic that suddenly transports you back to the delivery room. Maybe a loud bang makes your heart race before you've even had time to think. Or perhaps a particular date, place or conversation leaves you feeling overwhelmed without fully understanding why. People often tell me, "It's like I'm back there again." This can feel frightening and confusing (especially if the traumatic event happened months or even years ago)
Many wonder:
The answer lies in how trauma is stored in the brain.
Think about an ordinary memory from last year. Perhaps a birthday celebration, a family holiday or meeting a friend for coffee. You can probably remember what happened. You know it occurred in the past. Even if it was emotional, it feels like a memory. Traumatic memories are different. Instead of being stored as something that happened then, they can remain stored as something your brain and body experience as happening now. This is why trauma doesn't just affect your thoughts, it affects your entire nervous system.
When we experience something overwhelming, our brain's priority isn't creating a neat, organised memory. Its priority is survival. Your nervous system rapidly shifts into survival mode, preparing your body to fight, flee, freeze or comply in order to keep you safe. At that moment, your brain is focused on detecting danger, not carefully filing away memories such as sights, sounds, smells, emotions and physical sensations can become stored in a fragmented way. Later, when something reminds your brain of the original event, it reacts as though the danger has returned. Not because you're "going backwards". But because your brain is trying to protect you.
People are often surprised by what triggers them. Sometimes it's obvious and sometimes it's incredibly subtle.
A particular perfume.
The beep of hospital equipment.
Rain on a windscreen.
A certain song.
The month something happened.
Your child's age reaching the same age you were during a difficult experience.
Your brain isn't asking, "Is this dangerous?" It's asking, "Is this familiar? If something resembles the original traumatic experience, your nervous system may react before your thinking brain has caught up. This is why trauma responses often feel automatic
One of the hardest parts of trauma is the disconnect between what you know intellectually and what your body feels.
You might tell yourself:
"I'm not in danger."
"That happened years ago."
"Nothing bad is happening now."
Yet your heart is racing, your muscles tense, your breathing changes and your mind struggles to stay present. This isn't because you're weak or "overreacting". It's because trauma is stored in more than thoughts alone. Your body remembers what your mind wishes it could forget.
Many people assume that if they understand what happened, they should stop feeling distressed. Understanding your reactions can be incredibly reassuring. However, insight alone doesn't always change how the traumatic memory is stored. This is one reason why people sometimes say: "I've talked about it so many times, but it still feels the same."
Trauma-focused therapies, such as EMDR, aim to help the brain process the memory differently so that it becomes something you remember, rather than something you continue to relive.
The fact that a traumatic memory still feels vivid doesn't mean you'll always feel this way.
Our brains have an incredible capacity to heal. With the right support, many people notice that the memory becomes less overwhelming. It doesn't disappear, but it begins to feel like something that happened in the past rather than something they're constantly living through.
Recovery doesn't mean forgetting. It means being able to remember without feeling like you're in danger all over again.
Dr Maria Tucknott is a Clinical Psychologist based in Hertford who specialises in EMDR trauma therapy for adults. If any of this has resonated with you, get in touch today to book your free 15-minute consultation.